Ramblings: Raw thoughts that may or may not have been proofread idk
For as long as I can remember I've written stuff down. Like, my notes app is a wild mess, my Instagram close friends is pretty well my diary, but also I just generally love to share. Here, I'll have entries that I want to share. Maybe they're in a moment, or maybe they're from the past, or maybe they're looking to the future. I don't know how this is going to shape out, but I'll include the index below.
When I was talking with my grandma, we were talking about the little victories. For her, it was finding the right lightbulbs and having a nice ham and scalloped potato casserole that she made for her and her friend. For me, it was some good news I got from my doctor and figuring out what I want to take on this year. I shared it with my folks on my Instagram close friends story, but I'd like to put it here, too:
This year...
→ I want to spend more time doing what I want.
It's not to say I didn't before, but I want to stop limiting myself. I started small over the winter holidays, asking people questions if I had any. Having more open conversations with people out in public. Little things like that. It's more a mindset than anything, just, if my mind goes to it, and it's reasonable, why not?
→ I want to take more photos.
I went through some of my boxes over FaceTime with Sam over the winter holiday. I found some photos that I had on my wall when I lived in Montreal. It was nice looking back, thinking about those experiences. I liked that feeling, and it came back to me taking photos. Let's bring back that feeling.
→ I want to be meaningful with my travel.
Travel is something that people know me for; the fact I can name a plane out of the sky (aircraft, airline, and sometimes destination). But, I want to do more things when I am in these places. Sometimes I get overwhelmed when I'm out and about, and I give myself permission to rest while out, sure. But I want to stop coming home and being like, "no way, I could have done THAT?"
→ I want to find more ways to be kind.
During the winter holiday, I got really mad because there was a bunch of plastic confetti that was just on the ground all wet and clearly had been there for a day-or-so. I picked up a good chunk of it, and I felt good. It felt good to do something good. I want to feel more of that.
→ I want to give thanks to people in more-intentional ways.
I say thanks many times to many people, but I want it to be used in a way that actually expresses how thankful I am to the people around me. Do I know how I'm going to do it? Not yet. We'll see.
→ I want to be somewhere where I must speak another language.
Ugh, the feeling of just using a different part of your brain. Someone told me that you take on a new personality when you speak another language, and I want to be able to take that on. Plus I want to improve my language skills! French or Spanish, lfg
→ I want to adopt a skincare routine.
I just want to have some sort of regularity to my day, and might as well have it so I can also have a bit more of a youthful glow as I age.
→ I want to go to counselling again.
I must stop living in the echo chamber and have someone check me. I know I'm not doing things in the best way, and maybe I could benefit from another perspective. I want to go back to counselling but I must find someone who isn't an enabler; I love my previous counsellor but she "yass girl"ed me for far too many things that I should not have done.
→ I want to find an outlet to be more creative and share more "me".
Maybe this blog will be it? Maybe it'll be the photos I take? No clue what it'll look like, but I have things to share ok!!
→ I want to drink more water.
Yes.
→ I want to be strong enough to do 100 push ups in a row.
This is largely for looks. I feel like one of the things I have control over in life (for the most part) is how I look. I want big arms and benefit from my Melanesian genes and have big 'ol yitties. Why not. Good to be strong, too, I guess.
→ I want to get rid of my watch tan.
It's something that's kinda cringe. Whenever I take off my watch, I get a "jeez!" or a "holy!" and tbh I'm over it. I just need to be in the sun and take off my watch. Plus I'll get a sick tan while I'm at it. Score!
→ I want to do four cold plunges.
There's not really a specific need for the four, I just wanted to quantify it somehow. I've done them once or twice, but I want to get up early, make it down to the river nearby, and jump on in! Have a good hard reset to the soul, and then start my day off nice. Four times this year! It'll happen!
So the song, DtMF by Bad Bunny. It's sweet, and I don't know the full feelings that I have towards it because it did only come out two days ago. With Debí Tirar Más Fotos meaning "I should have taken more photos," it's something that I want to take on. I want to start thinking about my life in a sustainable way; how can I live my life now to strike a good balance between living as a young person, and being comfortable in the future? Part of it, includes something that I used to be so staunch about. My family always wants me to take photos of whatever I do, but I had that typical mindset of "I want to live in the moment, just Google a picture if you want to see!" Now, I think of those pictures having been for me. When I was with my first ex, I used to make photo albums for him and I had a lot of fun with it. With this year, and me committing to take more photos, maybe I'll get back into photo albums? For myself! Maybe I'll even get a camera? I feel this song, DtMF, captures the feeling I have about it pretty well. Shoulders back, head up and strong, singing aloud, with friends, being in the moment! What's to say I shouldn't snap a little photo, or have some sort of way to capture the moment for when my memory doesn't serve me as well. Or to find a way to have it in my photo album so I can share it with someone in the future... who knows who that person will be. I look forward to meeting them!
So the post-holiday comedown, thoughts whirling about what my future will look like, and everything sort of set out for how my year will look like. I feel like Azealia Banks with that bob when she was on the Breakfast Club. "So... what now?"
